How to gain 20kgs with hake and brocolli

I didn’t realize that it has taken me so long to blog again, it seems like only yesterday I was bubbling over with the excitement of healthy living. I remember being so passionate about fitness and spreading the word about weight loss that I became blind.

I think that this post is long overdue because the truth has been a long time coming. The truth is that I am not that girl anymore – I’m not the hake fuelled fit-girl that I used to be and that’s absolutely fine. Truth is, that hake fuelled lifestyle fuelled my body dysmorphia.

The thing is that a lot has changed for me over the past year, including my waistline – in fact, it has gotten bigger again. If ever you wanted to know what a depletion diet would do to you, I can safely assure you that it will ruin your life. Look, I know that I’m prone to exaggeration, but I am living proof that depletion diets do not work.

I don’t care who you are (or who you think you are), but eating less than 900 calories a day is not the way to lose weight. I tried that route for months and failed dismally, in all actuality I gained more fat than lost any weight over that time period. And while we are being totally honest with each other, I was relying on more than just a typical fat burner to get me to my goals too.

When I decided that I wanted to compete in a fitness competition, it was because I’d reached my initial weight loss goal, I’d maintained my weight loss and I wanted a challenge. What I didn’t bargain on was the torturous means that I was prepared to follow to reach those goals and spoiler alert, I never did. I never got to wear a sparkling bikini on a stage filled with bronzed goddesses and I never will. I don’t want to anymore because the journey for me became a curse.

The tipping point for me was that regardless of the hours spent in the gym, countless fat burners and pieces of hake – I gained more weight than I’d ever lost. I took full responsibility for the weight gain, even though I worked so very hard. Even though I forced myself to want it so badly again that I’d cut more calories from my day in hopes that it would be the magic I needed. As my clothes got tighter again, my soul was defeated.

I had spent so much energy, so much time working toward a healthy weight loss goal. I was so incredibly proud of the work that I had done because I saw the results – I saw myself making progress. I loved stepping into the gym, I loved making my way toward the free weights section and I loved feeling my body ache after a tough session in the gym. Health was my happy place until I took everything too far.

I blame myself for not recognising the signs sooner, for not being aware of what I was doing to myself and what I was allowing. I started 2016 weighing 63kgs and I’m seeing the end of 2017 out tipping the scales at 85kgs.

Why am I telling you this? Because you deserve to know that I’ve been a fraud for keeping up this facade when I should have just been honest from the start. I’ve since quit my bikini parade aspirations and have started functional training and I love it. I haven’t felt this inspired by fitness in a long time, I haven’t felt this happy in ages and I haven’t gone hungry in months. I want to lose weight again because I was happier when I was healthier – but I’m also not going to obsess about the scale anymore.

I love hearing from you, so leave your thoughts in the comments below. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter for more real talk, snappy snaps and fun.

Until next time.

Xoxo

 

cashe

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