Love (me) actually

It’s been nearly a month since we last spoke. I can blame work, life or anything else that pops up in a day, but I’ve just been out of touch. I’ve put off blogging for a while and it’s just because I really didn’t feel like it.

This month has been a busy one, full of changes and life lessons. First biggie, I’ve officially decided to leave pinup behind me and focus my energy on fitness, health and being a good mom. I found that being part of the pinup community started to consume me in ways that weren’t healthy or positive. I wanted to speak about it, because I do feel that I’ve led you all on.

Here is the thing though, I got so wrapped up in the pinup/body positivity movement and stopped actually loving my body. I know, the irony. I wasn’t happy in my own skin, even though I pretended to be. I mean, if you just take a look at the countless #OOTD posts that I would share, I put on one hell of a show. But, it was so superficial, my self-confidence was fake and I really wasn’t loving the skin I was in. I think it really dawned on me when I stepped on stage at the Miss Bombshell Betty pageant. I wasn’t feeling it at all. I wasn’t excited to be there and although I’d flown all the way to Cape Town to take the stage, I just wanted to go home the second I got there.
That should have been my first clue.

But, look at how well I faked happy!

13235633_10153782831981051_5501628245160280811_o

Photography courtesy of Marianne Brits-Strodl

I was so fake. I was forcing myself to be the minuscule, Instagram version of my life. You know what I’m talking about, right? Those flawless, curated feeds that we envy? I wanted that and was forcing myself to be that girl. The girl that hashtags are made of, but that’s all I was becoming and to cope I had started stress/comfort eating.

Cue a new wave of weight gain that bummed me out like crazy. From an impressive 67kgs, I managed to comfort eat my way to 79 kgs.

Urgh!

Guys, it has destroyed me. The weight gain, the deception, all of it. It’s become a chore, and I’m really tired of pretending.

So I’m not going to anymore

I love the values that Pinup girls embody, but not all of them within this community embody them. I mean, in real life they’re pretty bitchy and can be bullies.  OMG, I’ve just snitched on the ugly truth behind pinup culture in South Africa. Unwind your panties, it isn’t the WHOLE community. Don’t get me wrong though, there are so many incredible women within this culture, and those are the ones I love.  I cannot do hate anymore. I cannot do bitchiness anymore. I cannot tolerate thinly veiled bullying and superiority complexes. 

I just can’t anymore.

So, I chopped off my hair and have started restarting my life. I’m getting so damn good at that too, it’s astonishing.

16463566_10154323949643519_3253453780080671954_o

I will always value the lessons that I’ve learned and the people who I have met. I will always hold those values dear to my heart, but this is basically me breaking up with the Pinup scene of South Africa.

It’s been real, but it’s not you – it’s me.

I value your opinion, so feel free to leave it below.

Until next time,

Xoxo

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s